An Author Wednesday Interview with Derek Sisterhen, author of Get Naked: Stripping Down to Money & Marriage

Remember that “for richer, for poorer” part of your vows?  Didn’t really prepare you for managing money with your bride or groom, did it?  In Get Naked, you’ll learn how to really talk with your spouse about money (no boxing gloves required), create a list of dreams and goals you want to accomplish together, develop a monthly spending plan you each agree on, and know how to experience profound intimacy in your marriage.  This book is packed with exercises, worksheets, and stories of couples across the country divorce-proofing their marriages simply by getting naked with their money!

Read more for the interview and for a chance to win a free copy of Get Naked for yourself!

Q. Thanks for the interview. Can we begin by having you tell us a little bit about yourself and how long you’ve been working in and writing about this topic?

A. I’ve been involved in the financial world for the last 10 years and have focused the last 5 years specifically on how couples behave with money.  My parents taught me well about money, I even studied finance in college and worked in banking, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the challenges of communicating with my wife about our finances!  More recently, I’ve worked as a certified financial coach.  Having counseled over 300 families, I’ve found that most couples have experiences similar to mine.  Today, I devote significant time on my podcast, in my writing, and in my speaking engagements to help couples move beyond financial obstacles so they enjoy all that marriage can be.

Q. What’s your new book about? Why did you write it? What main message will readers take away from it?

A. Get Naked is really about taking a good long look in the mirror and getting honest and real about who is staring back.  I wrote the book to equip couples – both engaged and married – with very practical ways to create productive, unified communication about money.  84% of couples cite money as the primary source of tension in their marriage.  Since money touches all aspects of our lives there’s a huge opportunity to establish healthier families if couples experience more intimacy with money.  The primary take away from Get Naked is that the health of a couple’s marriage and finances really boils down to whether they’re self-centered, or willing to serve each other in love.

Q. What inspired you to write this book?

A. About three months into my marriage, a fight about a $40 pillow purchase resulted in my wife storming out of the house.  I remember feeling so hopelessly lost in even beginning to climb out of that very difficult place.  I mean, if a fight over $40 resulted in that kind of fallout, what would a fight over $400 look like?  Armageddon!  Today, my wife and I can laugh about that whole experience because we did the hard work of getting honest – getting naked, if you will – about our hopes, dreams, goals, and fears, and then climbing out of that rut.  I was inspired to let other couples know that they aren’t alone in their financial woes, but that they also can’t leave that wedge in their relationship and settle for a mediocre marriage.

Q. What do you feel sets your book apart from others in the same genre?

A. Get Naked is not about how you can go and get everything you want in your marriage by focusing on you.  Instead, it’s how you can become the very best husband or the very best wife your spouse made a lifelong commitment to, because you honor your spouse in everything you do.  Since money touches everything, this means honoring and serving your spouse through every financial decision – from deciding where to have dinner tonight to buying a house – and experiencing the intimacy that flows from that way of doing marriage.

Q. What were some of the greatest discoveries, lessons, or findings you came across while doing research and writing this book?

A. I read two different books by Shaunti Feldhahn – For Men Only and For Women Only – that have some of the best, current research on how men and women operate within their relationships.  I was so surprised to learn that over 70% of women value relational security over financial security and that 71% of men feel a burden to provide for their families.  When we start to understand how men and women are wired, we can focus our communication and our energy more productively within our marriages rather than assuming our spouse sees everything like we do.  As a husband, I know that if we have a financial challenge to face, it’s more important for my wife to know that I’m engaged in our relationship, than for me to hit the door looking for a way to solve the problem.  The problem still needs to be solved, but this research can help us prioritize our efforts.

Q. What other resources in addition to your book would you recommend to people to learn more about this area?

A. Aside from For Men Only and For Women Only, I’m a huge fan of Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages.  The information in that book will help anyone know how to better relate with their spouse, kids, employees, friends, co-workers, everyone.  It’s powerful to know how these people give and receive love.  What I’ve found in working with so many couples over the years is that their financial situation is really just a symptom of a deeper root issue.  These three books help unearth those root issues and provide simple ways of learning from them and avoiding them in the future.

Q. What are some of the financial resources that you included in your book to help your readers apply what they learn?

A. While much of Get Naked is about getting back on the same page relationally and financially, I did include a whole set of easy-to-use worksheets to help couples create a simple, cohesive plan for their money.  My favorite is the Dreams and Goals exercise, which allows couples to understand – in many cases, for the very first time – what each other would like to accomplish financially in the next few months and over the next few years.  That’s really the starting point; it’s tough to use the monthly spending plan worksheets until you know where you’re heading.  I also wrote an appendix to the book addressing some very specific topics like how young married couples can prepare for buying a house, whether it’s a good idea to borrow from family, and what to do if there has been financial infidelity in the marriage.

Q. What are some of your current projects you’ve been working on in this field?

A. I’m currently partnering with a friend of mine who is launching a reality series about couples who are trying to eliminate their consumer debt as fast as possible.  It’s very much in the development phases, but right now I’m positioned as the financial coach for the participating couples.  I’d be the guy holding them accountable and helping them determine the very best ways to work together toward their goals.

Q. Thank you for the interview, Derek. Would you like to share where we can find you on the web and how we can buy your book?

A. You can find me at www.getnakedbook.com continuing the conversation about money, marriage, and experiencing unity in both.  While you can purchase Get Naked on Amazon, we regularly run special discounts through www.getnakedbook.com.

About the author: Derek Sisterhen is an author, speaker, and host of Past Due Radio (www.pastdueradio.com).  He is also the Director of Stewardship at Hope Community Church in Raleigh, NC, helping families experience hope and peace with a new plan for their finances.  For fun he plays drums and supports his beloved Tar Heels.  Derek and his wife, Elisa, live in Cary, NC.  You can reach Derek at derek@getnakedbook.com or www.twitter.com/djsisterhen.

Links:

Purchase Get Naked: Stripping Down to Money & Marriage – www.getnakedbook.com/buygetnakedhere

Get Naked website – www.getnakedbook.com

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